Comments- tri rough draft

Charles

Your paper looks pretty good. Great intro, it introduces your topic in an engaging way. Your arguments include alot from class, like interviews and Feed, maybe add in a mix of some research articles too.

Proof read a little bit more, its easy to let grammar slip sometimes. Its just grammar, but it helps to get your paper in order. Like in the intro, "People want to find a way to do things with out have to work hard, and this is the problem we have now."

it would be **without having to work hard. after looking over it. I think usually when we write things our eyes can pass over things like that because our mind just fixes it with what we mean to say.

Add in an opposing view point, and for connections, you could add how you think it became this way, either from culture or politics, whatever lens you pick. Add significance if you didn't already as well. I liked that I could see how your outline fleshed out. Its pretty good. Looking forward to seeing what you add to it.

Jia min,

You have alot of arguments too, and the transitions between your paragraphs are great. I thought the signifance makes you think. I agreed with it. The evidence is well organized. Add a little more to the opposing point of view. What you have so far to rebute it is good.I would say add on to connections but you'll probably do that anyways. You have alot of interestin points. I'm interested in seeing how it'll look like when your done with all the editing.