Hw 36- Triangle Partner Help

The comment box is missing so posting on blog first and will add to later:
Kate

Here's a rewrite/edit you could choose to use of your main idea. (Idk if its a good edit or not you can use it if you choose to.)

Cool is a mask we wrap around ourselves that hides our true self, a charade we must constantly play, with the risk of discovery of the fallacy of our acts. The performer hopes the audience sitting and watching don't rip apart their carefully created facades least they be charged as inauthentic. We have become products of ourselves. We choose to transform our selves into this image of cool. The only trouble is that cool is forever changing and means something different to each group and person. The definition is as forever changing as the wind. So to keep up with the constant shift, many roles and acts are played through out our lifetime. “And one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages” (Shakespeare). But why do we need these masks? Why bother trying to be cool and to fit certain aspects of what society wants us to be? This can be contributed to the fact that we try to cover up the hole we feel inside of us. We are all a little bit empty inside and instead of acknowledging this fact we try to fill the void (our lives) with meaningless attributes. People play roles to fit in, fit in to become cool,become cool get attention which all plays as distractions from what is really missing in our lives.

You have a lot of great details and topics in your post. There's alot of good stuff to go on for a first draft. I think since you have alot of topics, to try to connect them all to each other so it relates, so your not jumping, or title each different topic so its like a minichapter to introduce your new topic (haha jia min's did that so I think it might be helpful, I'm planning on using that too :)).

I think you should connect the henna idea back to the thesis because its mainly talking about profit maybe you can relate it to consumerism and how that feeds of of the emptiness people are trying to cover up. I agree with Sam about having the emptiness feeling together with your other topics since your topic seems to be talking about how cool is a mask that we use to cover up that feeling.

Jia Min
I like your post very much. The pictures are great and go with what you're saying. I think it flows together really well. You have good transitions.

"Thus, this puts us in a process that our inner self becomes the observer, gathering information from others as our outer self presents the representation of both our real selves and the “faces” we’ve created."

I think your main idea is that we observe what kind of faces we need to create in order to serve our roles, but even so, these roles we play are real because they are who we are becoming(?). Your topics and conclusion seem to support this well since you talk about your different roles with different people and situations and your feelings about it. I think its pretty true, what you said about why we play certain roles and how come we are more open to acting a certain way w/ our family or people close to us. It reminds me of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, when Cameron asks why is it easier to be mad at the people you trust and Tibby says Because you know they'll always love you, no matter what. Maybe that can relate some way to why we have these masks as well, so people will love us.

I agree that sometimes the roles we play are our "real" selves and sometimes they may not be. But how can you tell what is the real self or not? I think the only way anyone can tell is through how they feel about it. With these roles, feelings and perception are all that you really know and if you feel the role you are playing is real then it is and if you feel the role you are playing is fake then it is. I think of it like the "I think therefore I am" except its "if you feel then you are", and it depends on yhow you feel about it, because if you feel like its real then you feel like its authenthic and who you are and if you feel like its fake then thats you rejecting the role or its not the role you want to have.

These are possible topics you can think about. I really like your essay. Alot. Haha. You connect your paragraphs and ideas well. I think the only thing is grammar, but its not that big of a problem. Great job on it.